Frasier Crane Meets Diane Chambers
by KensiBlonde
Summary: After Sam and Diane's nose-twisting breakup at the end of Season 2, Diane checks herself into Goldenbrook for some 'rest and relaxation.' She meets Dr. Frasier Crane. It happens after she gets into a tussle with an old lady while playing croquet. This takes up just after Frasier has broken the two up from their brawl. But how will Frasier feel when he learns why she's there?


GOLDENBROOK PSYCHIATRIC INSTITUTE - CONNECTICUT

(DIANE enters an office. FRASIER stands up from behind a desk. They awkwardly shake hands.)

Frasier: Dr. Crane. Frasier Crane.

Diane: (awkwardly) Nice to meet you. Diane Chambers.

(suddenly - trying to explain -)

Dr. Crane-

Frasier: Please, call me Frasier. First off, are you all right?

Diane: Well, yes. She got me with a good uppercut in the ribs, the wily dickens, but I managed to fend her off with an arm triangle chokehold…

Frasier: That _was_ impressive.

Diane: So, I guess I have to leave, huh?

Frasier: Miss Chambers, things happen. No one is at their best here. I'm sure I can work it out for you.

Diane: Oh, I would be so grateful if you could, Dr. Crane. I'm just - I'm not ready to leave.

Frasier: I'll sort it out, no worries.

(They look at each other for a moment - something sparking between them.)

Diane: How come I haven't seen you here before?

Frasier: I don't have patients here, I'm a consultant. I come in once or twice a month.

Diane: (coyly) Oh… well… it would be nice to see you around more. You're certainly a breath of fresh air in this place … or any place.

Frasier: (flattered) Maybe I _will_ come around more.

Diane: Dr. Crane… I was just about to take my lunch on the front lawn… perhaps by the koi pond… would you… like to join me? Or is that against the rules?

Frasier: I don't see any harm in that. Why don't we eschew the cafeteria food, and I'll pick up something from a little boîte about a mile from here. Meet you there at one?

Diane: That sounds delightful.

Frasier: It certainly does.

Diane: And Dr. Crane… thank you. (she practically bats her eyelashes at him)

WEEKS LATER

(FRASIER enters an office. Dr. Fitz, head psychiatrist, tall man, '50s, stands up from behind his desk.)

Fitz: Please, Dr. Crane, sit down.

Frasier: (sitting nervously) Is something wrong?

Fitz: Some of the staff have noticed that you seem to be spending some extra time with one of the patients… one Diane Chambers.

Frasier: Ah, yes. Diane. She - she really doesn't belong here, Dr. Fitz. I think she was just overstressed from her studies.

Fitz: If I may, Dr. Crane. (He opens up a folder.) This is in the strictest confidence.

Frasier: Of course.

Fitz: (reading) Diane Chambers… entered Goldenbrook under own volition… manifest symptoms include insomnia, panic attacks, psychoneurotic thoughts - patient went through a period of reactive depression and anxiety following a significant romantic detachment… no psychosis at present time but lingering compulsive ideation regarding object of romantic detachment… evaluate for borderline personality disorder.

Frasier: (happily) Okay then… she's not a serial killer!

Fitz: Dr. Crane, in layman's terms, she's obsessed with her ex-boyfriend.

Frasier: Yes, I understood the report, Dr. Fitz.

Fitz: I'm just trying to give you a heads-up. Because I care about you professionally… and personally.

Frasier: I appreciate your concern. But she's here to get better … _is_ she getting better?

Fitz: You mean besides the chlorpromazine we have to administer at night so she doesn't scream out his name?

Frasier: Well… yes.

Fitz: I'd say there's been some progress. The hypnosis seems to be helping… But she could regress at any time… especially if she sees that lunkhead again.

Frasier: What's his name?

Fitz: (scanning through the report) Ahhh…. looks like Sam. I think she gives him some other name in group. Ralph.

Frasier: Ralph?

Fitz: Ralph.

Frasier: (a little upset) Anything else?

Fitz: You didn't hear this from me, but I overheard her telling another resident that he's a bartender… and some kind of ex-athlete.

Frasier: (regaining some confidence) Well, there you go! Diane is a precociously intelligent woman… bilingual… rapacious reader… highly educated. That sounds like a total mismatch.

Fitz: You don't know in what other ways they may have matched up perfectly.

Frasier: Dr. Fitz! I appreciate the warning. But she's not my patient and I'm not transgressing any ethical boundaries. Besides… she's very cute.

(They both laugh.)

Fitz: Dr. Crane. Let me be blunt. Don't go there. It's bound to end badly.

(Frasier stands - he's heard enough of this nonsense.)

Frasier: I'm really not worried. I don't who this Sam - Ralph - character is - but whoever he is, he wasn't worthy of her, and she has a solid foundation of self-esteem. I can't imagine her continuing with something that wouldn't be right for her. She made a bad choice, it happens to the best of us.

Fitz: Just… one more thing, doctor.

Frasier: Yes?

Fitz: I've been practicing for 25 years … in my experience, women rarely fully get over these types of eroticized fixations. One may go months or even years free from the grip of the obsession… but just like a drug addict, all it takes is one weak moment, and it's back full force, often worse than before. If you seriously plan on pursuing this, do yourself a favor… keep her away from him at all costs.

Frasier: Dr. Fitz, let me be frank.

Fitz: But I like you as Frasier.

Frasier: Ha ha! Oh, you wit! What I mean is… while I may have only known Diane for a short period of time, she has captured my heart in a way no other woman has. And as soon as she is discharged, we plan to become much more serious. Whatever problems she had in the past will remain just that - in the past.

Fitz: (well, he tried) Okay, then. I wish you the best.

Frasier: Thank you, Dr, Fitz. And I DO appreciate everything.

(Frasier leaves and closes the door. He stands in the hallway for a moment - not sure how he feels about the whole thing.)

Frasier: Bartender? (he regains his faith in Diane and waves his hand) Nahhh.

LATER THAT WEEK

(Diane and Frasier sit cozily in a back lawn gazebo on the grounds of Goldenbrook, having lunch.)

Diane: (sighs) Oh, Dr. Crane. These have been the most peaceful - and wonderful - past few weeks of my life. I don't want them to end. But I suppose I must get back to reality. I have studies to finish up.

Frasier: Diane… (he looks around to make sure no one is near them, then furtively takes her hand)... we never really discussed… why you are here.

Diane: Haven't we?

Frasier: No. Do you feel comfortable telling me? And Diane, I think we're at the point where you can call me Frasier, don't you?

Diane: Of course. Frasier… Months ago, I was in a relationship where honesty was not a priority…. I would like to make it a priority now.

Frasier: I wholeheartedly agree.

Diane: (she takes a deep breath) So I'm going to tell you everything. This is highly embarrassing, but … I made the oldest romantic mistake in the book… I fell for a womanizer. It started out very lighthearted and I guess I thought I could handle it… maybe deep down I thought I could change him much as Lady Caroline Lamb foolishly thought she could transmute Lord Byron… and it ended up with the same result. We both went kind of bonkers. Beyond that, there were other issues. I crave intellectual discourse and emotional vulnerability - his highest cravings are sex, televised sporting events, and the occasional spitball fight.

(pause)

Anyway, a few months after the break, I found myself going through a particularly lonely time, and I started to delusionally romanticize our liaison… I came very close to walking back into the bar he owns… checking myself in here was my last ditch effort to stop that.

Frasier: (pats her hand) You made the right decision. Diane, this is unprofessional of me to say - but I hate this man already.

Diane: Oh, no, Dr. Crane … Frasier... Don't get me wrong. He's a very good man - as long as you're not in a romantic relationship with him. He has an almost irresistible charm about him… I suspect if you met him, you would like him - probably more than you like me.

Frasier: Diane, I can assure you I would never be friends with such a person. But how mature of you to not demonize him.

Diane: What I want to do is just forget about him - _entirely_. I have gone a month now without even saying his name. To be honest, Dr. Crane... Frasier… someone else has taken up my thoughts.

Frasier: (smiling) Oh really? Do I know this person?

Diane: (giving him googly eyes) Very well.

(They look around and then lean in to kiss each other quickly.)

Frasier: (quietly - he truly cares about this woman) I just don't want to rush you into anything. You've been through hell.

Diane: I _was_ in hell. But now… it's feeling much more like heaven. And you are my angel.

Frasier: You are mine.

Diane: You're mine!

Frasier: (giggling like a school boy, he has never been so happy) We are each other's angel.

(But….)

Just one more thing, my darling, and then I will never bring this up again…

Diane: Of course.

Frasier: If you ever start to feel like you are - well - developing feelings for this person again, I'd like you to be honest with me about it. Tell me about it. I swear to you, we can work through it.

Diane: Frasier, if ever that happens - and it won't - I would be sure to tell you about it. (starting to babble) The second it happens - which it wouldn't - I would mention it, but I won't have to. But, if it does, and it won't, I would tell you about it, but since it wouldn't, there's nothing to tell.

Frasier: You sound so healthy, Diane.

(They pause and connect with their eyes - knowing this is the start of something.)

Diane: So, doctor, what is your official diagnosis?

Frasier: Adorable.

(They kiss.)


End file.
